Oh, how we need each other!

A year ago, I was still processing that my parents had just moved from their home of 25 years to a different state and I was starting my first week of grad school.  Devin was traveling and we had an international student living with us.  We had a roof leak in our family room that the roofing guy said was a pest control issue.  The pest control guy said it was a plumbing issue and we had pest issues.  Somewhere in there a guy fell through our ceiling and it all seemed so ridiculous I couldn’t stop laughing.  I told Devin that week honestly couldn’t get crazier and it did.

That weekend my Mom called and told me that my sister passed.

Oh, how we need each other!: thoughts of the year anniversary of my sister's passing  | via The Spirited VioletOh, how we need each other!: thoughts of the year anniversary of my sister's passing  | via The Spirited Violet

Sympathy cards flooded our mailbox, people brought us dinners, and there were gracious people who walked up to me a month or two after the fact just to give me a hug.  I can’t say that I am finished grieving because I’m not and I’m realizing that perhaps I won’t ever fully be.  This week was harder than I thought it would be and I’ve cried a lot.

Our relationship was not easy.  Anne struggled with severe psychiatric and mental health issues that had been around so long that I hadn’t been able to have a normal relationship with her since I was 8.  It was hard to see the struggles she experienced and it was harder to have to see them from a distance for my emotional safety.  I’ve struggled a lot over the years trying to sort things out; her last words to me were expressing her deep hatred for me and how I ruined her life.  After she passed, I stopped praying for resolution, but instead began just praying that I would know that Anne loved me in a real and tangible way.  I felt if I knew that, then that would be enough and everything else would sort itself out.

Last week, as I was going through boxes of pictures so I could show some photos to my friends I found letters that were written for me at my baptism at 8.  The writing prompt was for people to write about their baptism.  I recognized my sister’s handwriting from the letters and decided to see what she remembered about her baptism.  Instead of following the writing prompt, which is typical of my sister and made me smile, she wrote about the first day my parent’s brought me home.  

I was an unexpected adoption for everyone, my parent’s weren’t looking for another child and were turning 40 the next month, and here my sister describing her experience of meeting me at the first time at 8.  This was a story she had never shared with me in any other medium and I could see Anne’s genuine personality.  The real her and I felt so much love as I read that letter and I knew everything was going to be okay.Oh, how we need each other!: thoughts of the year anniversary of my sister's passing  | via The Spirited Violet

This past year I’ve learned that even though I don’t have a sister right nowI can have sisterhood; it has carried me over this past year.  As I’m learning more about sisterhood and what it looks like, I hope that I can keep paying into the collective love that I have been shown.

The fact of the matter is, we really and truly need each other. Women naturally seek friendship, support, and companionship. We have so much to learn from one another… .
– Bonnie L. Oscarson

Until we meet again Anne, I’ll write down the good memories and I’ll keep them somewhere safe.  I hope you know that you are missed.

  • What a sweet, sweet note. Isn’t it so comforting to know you have something special from her? I’m so sorry you’ve had a hard time this week. I hope it gets better for you. Praying for you & your family!

    • Thanks for your love Alex! It meant a lot to me to find that letter.

  • sharon / theprincipledtype.blogspot.com

    gee, touching post. best to you–

  • I’m so sorry that you had to go through this, and that it’s been tough this week. That note from Anne was so sweet, how great that you found it! You are in my thoughts!

    • It has really been an answer to prayers to find that note. It really has brought me a ton of comfort. Thanks for commenting and stopping by!

  • Beautifully written my dear! Sorry you are having a rough patch. Just remember that you were a comfort to her and cherish that. The memories are what we really hold on to in life.

  • Thinking of you as I personally know how difficult this mourning process is. Grief is a never ending process I think. It’s crazy. Love what you wrote and even found. Memories are the best. Hold on to them, share them, and smile!! Hugs sent your way.

    • Grief is a pretty crazy roller coaster, huh? It is kind of unpredictable. Thanks for your support!

  • Scott

    Beautifully written. I found myself going back and re-reading to make sure I didn’t miss anything. Hopefully next week will be better.

  • I think it’s so wonderful that you still have that letter she wrote. I have no doubt that is where her real heart was.

    • I completely agree. It brought me a lot of comfort!!

  • so sorry for your loss!! finding that letter was such a letter!!! this is why i love saving good cards and letters lol <3

    • I totally agree! This letter was in a box my Mom sent me and I’m pretty sure no one has looked at in in years so it was definitely a surprise!!

      I pull out cards from my grandpa and look at them a lot though for the same reason!

  • Sorry to hear about your sister! They say time heals all but like you said, I don’t think this that grieving truly ends, you just learn to accept it and move on. Thanks for sharing this post!

    • I completely agree. As time passes, we remember things more fondly and we start to move on.